Wednesday, January 31, 2007


Me: My feet are freezing.

Dad: That's because you have a black heart that pumps ice cold blood to your extremities.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

In School Suspension

Cousin J: I've only been sent to in-school suspension twice. Once for wearing that dead guy's hat, and once for doing action rolls in biology class.

Saturday, January 27, 2007


Brother 2: Who knows what suprises a Wonderball may hide??
Yummy Nestle chocolate with candy shapes inside.

Cousin J: They've had the same suprises since 1995.

Friday, January 26, 2007


Dad: If this turkey sandwich wasn't so good, I'd throw it at your head.

Thursday, January 25, 2007


Cousin J: Turn on 95.5.

Smooth jazz is blasting in my car.

Cousin J: You need to move really slow and small, or you're not dancing correctly to jazz.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007


Cousin J: I think I should start wearing cleats all the time.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

They Will Be Famous

Cousin J: When we start a band, with you playing the didgeridoo and the triangle, and me playing the harp, I think we should wear parachute pants.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Superbowl Shuffle

Me: I told you, before the season even started, that the Bears were going to the Superbowl. And you didn't believe me!

Brother 1: It doesn't count when you say that every year.

Me: I was right this year.

Brother 1: It doesn't count when you were wrong the past 5 years!

Me: We're still going to the Superbowl.

Brother 1: Yeah, we are!

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Go Bears!!!

We redecorated our living room. We're hoping it will send good vibes to Soldier Field today. You might think that these are just decorations for our Annual Championship Party, but you'd be wrong, it's permanent.

Saturday, January 20, 2007


Cousin J: I wouldn't want to play the saxophone. I would like to learn how to play the harp though.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Freak Accidents

We have a golden retriever, named Buddy, who's afraid of storms, scary movies, and the sound a didgeridoo makes. Brother 2 was playing the didgeridoo in the living room, and Buddy was jumping around barking at him.

Me: Stop freaking out the dog.

Brother 2: You know, Buddy used to be a concert didgeridoo player.

Me: Really? Then why is he afraid of it?

Brother 2: Well, ever since that freak didgeridoo accident, he hasn't been able to handle the sound of it.

Me: What happened during the freak didgeridoo accident?

Brother 2: It's too traumatizing, I can't discuss it.

Thursday, January 18, 2007


Brother 1: Mom's got leprechaun feet.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007


Brother 2 jumps on top of me.

Me: Get off!

Brother 2: What? Are you uncomfortable??

Me: Yes, you have your knee digging into my toe that has metal pins in it. Yes, that's uncomfortable.

Brother 2: Just wait, tonight, I'm going to get a huge sheet, with those pull ties on it, and put it on your bed. Then, when you're asleep, I'm going to close it up, with you and your blankets inside. You'll see what uncomfortable is when I drag you down the hallway.

Me: Ok.

Brother 2: Then, I'm going to drag you outside in the freezing cold and dump cold water on you. No, wait, make it warm water, so you're comfortable for a couple seconds, then, you'll turn into an ice cube.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Willy Wonka

Brother 1: I wish I was an oompa loompa.

Monday, January 15, 2007


Dad had juice from his fajita dripping down his shirt. Mom hands him a napkin.

Mom: You're dripping. Right there, on your man breast.

Sunday, January 14, 2007


Brother 1: That shaligator I made in high school is awesome.

Brother 1's friend: Yeah, it is pretty cool. I thought you were going to make a gark though.

Brother 1: I thought about it, but decided on the shaligator in the end.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Exploding Pants

Brother 1: Brother 2 and I are going to invent exploding pants.

Me: Ok.

Brother 1: Yeah, we're going to drench them in pesticides, and then, when you lit a match near them, they will explode.

Me: But then your legs would explode too.

Brother 1: It's ok, we're only going to sell them to people in New Zealand.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Sex (Part 2)

Brother 1 is still fixated on this bet.

Brother 1: You know, if you die, and I still haven't been nice for a whole day, I'm going to try really hard to win the bet. Then, I'm going to dig up your body and have sex with it.

My Friend: That's disgusting.

Brother 1: Well, I want you to be able to rest peacefully. That's what's going to need to be done for your soul to be content.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Bathroom Fun

This post is in honor of John, as he likes poop. (Remember to vote for both of us in the Bloggies!)

Brother 2 comes running up to the bathroom door.

Brother 2: When are you going to be done??? I really need to poop!!!

Me: Ha! That's what I'm doing too!

Brother 2: Girls don't poop. Dad's taking a shower in the other bathroom! Come on!!

I could hear him dancing around in the hallway. He runs down the hall.

Brother 2: Dad! Get out of the shower! I need to poop.

Dad: Use the other bathroom!

Brother 2: Vanessa's in there!

Dad gets out of the shower, 'cause he too can hear Brother 2 dancing around.

Dad: Wow, this is fun! It's a Craptacular Extraveganza!! Everyone in the house is pooping at the exact same time!!!

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

2007 Bloggies

Vote for us!! You only have 2 days!!!

Brother 2: Tell them to vote for us or I'll send Brother 1 on a raging rhino rampage to come break down their doors.

Monday, January 08, 2007


One of my friends made a bet with Brother 1. If he can be nice, and not say one mean thing, for an entire 24 hours, she'll sleep with him. She know's it's impossible.

Brother 1: I was nice the whole day!

Brother 1's friend: No. You weren't.

Brother 1: Doesn't being nice to myself count?

My Friend: No. You need to be nice to everyone for the entire day.

Brother 1: Oh... that's too hard.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

People First Language

My friend was trying to explain to Brother 1 what "People First Language" is (ex. it's correct to say a child with autism, not an autistic child).

Brother 1: Ok, I get it. 'Cause the child has autism, you say "a child with autism". You wouldn't say autistic child, 'cause that would mean that the autism has child disease.

Friday, January 05, 2007


Brother 1: Cars don't speak sign language!

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Made Up Words

Me: You should go see an opthamologist.

Brother 1: Did you make that word up?

Me: No, an opthamologist is an eye doctor.

Brother 1: No... I think you made it up. Like Norwegian. That's a made up word.

Me: A person from Norway?

Brother 1: Norwege is not a country.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007


Brother 2: You're leaving!?!?

Brother 1: Yeah. Why? You want me to stay?

Brother 2: Well, yeah! What do you expect me to do all night? Beat it to Final Fantasy??

Tuesday, January 02, 2007


Dad: I'm going to punch you right in the jaw.

Me: I'll have you arrested for child abuse.

Dad: Won't work.

Me: How about assult?

Dad: Nope. The police will just pat me on the back and say, "Nice child rearing"

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Year!

We threw a party last night, so that the boys could watch the Bears game. It got a little out of control.

Mom walks outside at 6am, Brother 1 and three of his friends are in the hot tub. She can't see their heads. There is foam two feet high, spilling over the edge. Someone decided that they needed bubbles, and Brother 1 dumped half a bottle of dawn dish soap into the hot tub. Great idea.