Monday, January 25, 2010

Jehovah Witnesses Part 2

Mom: The Jehovah Witnesses came looking for Brother 1 again today. They had information about Buddhism for him.

Me: Because they took him seriously when he asked if they thought all of China was going to hell?

Mom: Yeah. And they told me that even Violet is going to have a judgement day.

Me: Wow. Poor Violet. What did you say?

Mom: I told them there was no way in hell this adorable little girl is going to have judgement day.

Sunday, January 24, 2010


Mom: I could hear you singing to Violet while you were giving her a bath. What were you singing?!?

Kyle: The ghostbusters theme.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Brown Squirrel

Kyle: Vanessa discriminates. She only likes guys with huge dicks.

Brother 2: That's true. That's why she won't sleep with Brother 1 and I.

Me: Not because it's incest and you're gross?

Brother 2: No, it's 'cause Brother 1 and I are hung like brown squirrels.


You can tell how religious we are...

Me: Do you think Jesus' sperm had magical powers?

Kyle: Yeah, he impregnated the Virgin Mary with them.

Me: I think Mary was his mother...

Kyle: Oops, ew, gross.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


Me (calling to check on Violet): What are you guys up to?

Brother 1: We're just watching cartoons and killing zombies.


Kyle: I want to be an avatar!

Me: But how would you communicate with the trees and animals? You don't have hair to connect.

Kyle: I'm pretty sure there is no such thing as male pattern baldness on that planet.