Family Rules

We went to the Wisconsin Dell's for Mom's birthday. On the car ride up there, we compiled a list of family rules/safety guidelines.

1. Do not brush your teeth with bleach.

2. Do not bathe in acetone.

3. It is perfectly acceptable to run with scissors, as long as they are pointed away from you.

4. The three second rule applies to all foods and all surfaces, including Popsicles and mud.

5. Do not sled down the stairs in a cardboard box.

6. Slip 'n Slide's are not designed for feet first sliding.

7. There are no family rules.

8. Be careful around couches, they can attack.

9. If you fart in the car you owe the driver $1.

10. You can only be mean to your grandma if she is the devil.

11. It is acceptable to sing lyrics in a song after the occur.

12. Only fart in a bowl of brownies and hold them in someone's face if you want to induce vomitting.

13. If your head is under a blanket, don't fart, unless there is someone else under the blanket with you. Then you just need to hold your breath.

14. Albanian waitresses do not appreciate weird tricks you can do with your eyes and fingers. If you are trying to pick one up, leave these out of the conversation.

15. Intense situations call for the showing of ass cleavage. It is the only way to show true emotion.