Everyone Agrees With Me

Brother 1's gf: I want you to go find a new girlfriend, and see how long she lasts. And you can't hide any of your weird tendencies.

Brother 1: Aw, I can't act normal for three months, so that when I start acting like myself she goes crazy and can't leave?

Brother 1's gf: No, you'll never find anyone else that can put up with you.

Brother 1: I wish I had arms like a Tyrannosaurus Rex so I couldn't wash the middle of my chest.