Discus

Brother 1: You're pretty awesome Violet. Wally's still my favorite though. You rank just below my largest discus fish. Wally, turtle, big discus, Violet, all the other discus.

American Idol

Brother 1: My GF made me watch American Idol. The whole 2 hour special.

Me: You know, that show it pure torture for our family. We're all tone deaf. So we watch, and say "Wow, that person was really good, they're pretty and look like they had a lot of fun" and then the judges tell us what a horrible singer they are. It's just not fun.

Brother 1: GF got so mad at me for all my comments that she took a crap on my chest.

Me: And you were so engrossed in American Idol that you didn't notice until it was too late?

Brother 1: Yeah. She was crouching over my chest like a tiger, and I didn't even notice until it was too late...

Vomit

Kyle: I can't change this diaper. It smells so awful! I'm going to vomit. No seriously, awful smells make me vomit.

Brother 1: Do you vomit while you're taking a shit?

Walnut

Violet has these blankies with animal heads that she likes to snuggle with.

Kyle: Aw, are you snuggling with Walnut?

Me: You named her moose Walnut?

Kyle: Yeah.

Me: What's her giraffe's name?

Kyle: Skippy.

Birds

Kyle: Did you hear the birds this morning?!? They're coming back!

Me: Really?

Kyle: Birds are my favorite.

Me: I know! Maybe we should get a pet bird.

Kyle: Yeah! I want a hawk!

Piggies

Kyle: This little piggy went to the market.
This little piggy went to Baghdad.
This little piggy went to South America.
This little piggy went to the West Alps.
And this little piggy went wee wee wee all the way home.

Arms

Kyle was spinning Violet around.

Kyle: Good thing she has good things to hold on to.

Me: Arms?

Kyle: Yeah. Good thing our baby has arms!