Renaming the Insurance Guys

So, my Grandpa is in an assisted living home, 'cause he has alzheimers, diabetes, and arthritis that make it too difficult to live on his own. Last week, his scooter broke, which means he can't get down to the cafeteria to eat, and if he can't eat, his blood sugar drops, making his alzheimers worse. Then, he forgets things, like how he can't walk, or the number to call to ask the nurses to bring him breakfast.

Dad is pretty good at terrorizing the crappy insurance people though, so I think he'll be ok.

Dad (on the phone to insurance people): I could just stop by today and pick up a new battery for the scooter. That would be quicker than waiting for you guys to come fix it.

Insurance Guy: We're located in Salt Lake City.

Dad: You're in Salt Lake City? How the hell are you suppossed to help all the way out there?

Insurance Guy: Actually, we do a lot out here, I can call the Chicago branch and set up an appointment to come out.

Dad: Just give me the number.


2nd convo:::

Dad: I need you guys to come out today.

Insurance Guy 2: It usually takes 3-5 days for a technician to be available.

Dad: Ok, so then, when my Dad starves to death because he can't get downstairs to eat, I can blame you for that? What was your name again?


3rd convo (now trying to reach some woman named Donna, 5th try that day):::

Insurance Guy 3: Donna is still out to lunch.

Dad: Donna's been at lunch for 2 hours. Are you sure she even exists?

Insurance Guy 3: She should be back within the next half hour.

Dad: You guys might want to evaluate her work ethic though. She didn't come to work today until after 9:30, and then she's taken a 2 hour lunch. Yesterday she left before 5 o'clock too.


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Dad (to me): I figured out why insurance sucks so much in America.

Me: Really?

Dad: Yeah. Everyone I've talked to have names like Kyyyyyyyle, and Briiiiiian, and Tyyyyyyler. Total wuss names, of course they can't help.