Halloween

Brother 2 is being a lemming for Halloween. Brother 1 dressed up as the Domino's Fudgy Buddy from that weird commercial over the weekend. Get excited for pictures.

Wonderful

Dad: Oh what a craptacular day!!!

Pneumonia

Brother 2: I have pneumonia.

Dad: Yuck, you probably got that 'cause you don't eat right.

Brother 2: What are you talking about? I eat all the time.

Dad: Beef Jerky doesn't count.

More Hamburger Helper

Brother 1: I was supposed to make Hamburger Helper for dinner.

Me: Ew.

Brother 1: Yeah, so instead, I printed out this picture of this really fat girl on Facebook, and taped her face to the box, and hung it by the light in the kitchen.

New Religions

Dad: I'm inventing a new religion.

Me: What's it called?

Dad: I dunno yet. But as a member of this religion, you have to be silly all the time.

Undefeated

I went to the end of Monday Night Football. Here's what everyone was wearing:

Dad: Jeans, Bears tshirt

Friend 1: Bears Zubaz pants, Bears sweatshirt

Friend 2: Bears sweat pants, Bears tshirt

And they had a orange haired troll on the table for good luck. Maybe these were lucky from the 1985 season?

Poo Guitar

James Blunt, "You're Beautiful" comes on.

Brother 1: Think of how many girls you could get if you could sing like this. Like, at parties, you could just go up to the hot girls, start singing this song, and they'd be all over you.

Me: Honestly, that might be kinda creepy.

Brother 1: Not if you had a guitar! And especially if you pulled the guitar out of thin air. Like, you walk up with a drink in your hand, drop it, and pull a guitar over your shoulder. Or, pull down your pants and pull the guitar out of your ass. That would be even hotter.

Your Body Is A Wonderland

So, we're shuffling through Brother 1's iPod on the way to the movies, when "Your Body Is A Wonderland" by John Mayer came on.

Brother 1: Aw, yeah, this is mine and Brother 2's song!! At night, I take off all my clothes, put on this song, and crawl into Brother 2's room, singing along.

Brother 2: You're lucky I sleep naked.

Compliments

I got my hair done a couple days ago. This conversation is entirely serious, no sarcasm at all.

Brother 2: Your hair looks really good like that. You're better as a blond.

Me: Thanks.

Mom: Stop making fun of your sister!!!

Monopoly

Me: Girls don't fart.

Mom: I agree, I've never farted.

Brother 1: Monopoly.

Dad: Yep, monopoly.

Brother 2: I thought it was Sorry.

Me, Dad, and Brother 1: Nope, Monopoly.


*Mom farted during a game of Monopoly about 10 years ago, and we still haven't forgotten about it.

We Have Letters On Our Fridge

Here are some things that have been written in the past few weeks.

I will eat your babies and step on your frog hands.

Brother 2 looks like a psychotic walrus eating pig.

Vanessas ass is huge.

I sold Vanessa's butt on ebay for one dollar.


* I'll be in Tennessee this weekend visiting Brother 1, so I dunno how often I'll update, but I can guarantee some great posts next week :)

M-I-C-K-E-Y

Dad: I like Justin Timberlake, I'm going to buy the box set of all his greatest hits so I can listen to all the great songs he did on the Mickey Mouse Club.

Drugs

Mom: Aw... I forgot to tell the doctor that you wanted me to go on that medicine that your friend's wife is on!

Dad: Paxil... Yeah, she's much nicer now.

Hamburger Helper

We never had Hamburger Helper growing up, but Brother 1's roommates have been making it for dinner.

Me: What is Hamburger Helper exactly?

Brother 1: This ass crap, paste, powder, disgusting stuff you mix with ground beef, that makes it turn into something.