Mom: The Jehovah Witnesses came looking for Brother 1 again today. They had information about Buddhism for him.
Me: Because they took him seriously when he asked if they thought all of China was going to hell?
Mom: Yeah. And they told me that even Violet is going to have a judgement day.
Me: Wow. Poor Violet. What did you say?
Mom: I told them there was no way in hell this adorable little girl is going to have judgement day.
Mom: I could hear you singing to Violet while you were giving her a bath. What were you singing?!?
Kyle: The ghostbusters theme.
Kyle: Vanessa discriminates. She only likes guys with huge dicks.
Brother 2: That's true. That's why she won't sleep with Brother 1 and I.
Me: Not because it's incest and you're gross?
Brother 2: No, it's 'cause Brother 1 and I are hung like brown squirrels.
You can tell how religious we are...
Me: Do you think Jesus' sperm had magical powers?
Kyle: Yeah, he impregnated the Virgin Mary with them.
Me: I think Mary was his mother...
Kyle: Oops, ew, gross.
Me (calling to check on Violet): What are you guys up to?
Brother 1: We're just watching cartoons and killing zombies.
Kyle: I want to be an avatar!
Me: But how would you communicate with the trees and animals? You don't have hair to connect.
Kyle: I'm pretty sure there is no such thing as male pattern baldness on that planet.
