Lemonaids

Brother 1 takes a sip of my lemonade.

Brother 1: Do you have monolaids?

Me: Is that a disease?

Brother 1: It's a cross between mono and aids. Only contracted through lemonade, that's why there's a L in the middle of the word.

Work Out Contest

Brother 1 and I are competing to see who can work out the most before my wedding in April.

Me: I'm beating you! I just tap danced for an hour and a half!

Brother 1: I rode my bike an hour today.

Brother 2: I masturbated for 2 hours today. Does that count?

Wedding Favors

Me: What should I give for wedding favors? Most people do mints or chocolate.

Brother 1: Yo-yo's.
Or a miniature pot roast.
Forks. No, put ribbons around the salad forks so everyone steals them!
Raffle tickets, we'll raffle off Grandma at the end of the night.