Graduation

Mike opening another graduation card: Whoa! I'm not going to get a job. I'm just going to keep graduating from things.

Incest

Brother 1: You know you can't have sex with my sister anymore.

Kyle: What?!?!?!

Brother 1: Yeah, since you're my new brother, and Vanessa is my sister, that's incest. You guys didn't think that through did you?

Wow. Flower girl is a popular position...

Me: Will you be my flower girl?

Cousin G: YES!!! Vanessa. Do you want to hear something?

Me: What?

Cousin G: When my mom told me you got engaged, I told her that I wanted to be your flower girl!

Me: Whoa, luck you, you do get to be my flower girl!

Cousin G then proceeds to interrogate me about what she's wearing, how she's going to do her hair, etc.



Brother 1: Tell Cousin G I'm mad at her for taking my position!

Me: She's 6.

Brother 1: I'm still pissed.

Flower Girls

Brother 2: Am I going to be in your wedding party?

Me: You're going to be an usher.

Brother 2: Aw! Sweet! So I can refuse to let people in?? Awesome!

Me: No! You are not a bouncer! Ushers walk people down the aisle to their seats. You make sure the little old ladies get there safely.

Brother 2: Aw. I want to be a flower girl then!



The next day:

Brother 1: Am I going to be in your wedding party?

Me: You get to be an usher.

Brother 1: But I want to be the little girl that throws flower petals and gives you your rings!

Me: That's what Brother 2 said too.

Brother 1: Ok, then we can hold hands and do it?

Me: No, you're an usher.

Brother 1: Oh! Like a bouncer!! We can have clipboards and a rope!

Me: No, you make sure the little old ladies get to their seats safely.

Brother 1: Can we have chicken fights with the old ladies?

Baboons

Dad: Whoa, it looks like a baboon rubbed its butt on my glasses. I wonder if that's possible... I did hear something in my room last night.

Christmas

Brother 1: I'm going to get you a husband for Christmas.

Me: I already found one of those.

Brother 1: We'll trade him in for a new model. Maybe one with hair.

Lies

Aunt S: How old is Kyle?

Brother 1: 40. (25)

Aunt S: How long have they been dating again?

Brother 1: 3 weeks. (8 months)

Aunt S: What does her ring look like?

Brother 1: Uh, he got it in a cracker jack box, it's kinda crappy. (a beautiful saphire)

Aunt S: Have they thought about a date yet?

Brother 1: They're getting married this weekend in Michigan. (not sure yet)