Raptors

I was laying on the floor petting the dog and Mom pretended to step on me.

Mom: EEE EEEE EEEE!

Me: Why do your feet make stabbing noises when you step on me?

Mom: I don't know, maybe I have pointy feet like a raptor.

Excel

Me: I need to call Brother 1.

Dad: Why?

Me: 'Cause he knows lots of stuff about Excel and could teach me how to add up this column really easy.

Dad: You don't know how to do that?

Me: No.

Dad: You must be an idiot.

Me: Thanks.