Best Buy

Brother 1: After work, and after a shower, can we go to Best Buy together?

Me: Ok.

Brother 1: But just the Best Buy part together. The showers will be separate.

Stalkers

Brother 1: Don't you hate it when you get text messages in French and you think there's a hot French guy with a yacht on the other end but really it's a hairy fucking red haired short little bitch ass g-string wearing leprechaun?

Me: Yeah, that happened to me this weekend.

Brother 1: We should go stomp on his head and boil him in his own pot of gold.

Vomit

Brother 1: My neck hurts, and it hurts to breathe in really deep.

Me: Why?

Brother 1: It's probably from flailing around spinning in the shower when I was vomiting yesterday.

Me: Ew.

Brother 1: What? You don't do that? I make it a point to spin around every time I vomit.

Birthdays

Me: Awww... the Mag light you got me for Christmas a few years ago is gone! You're going to have to get me a new one for my birthday.

Brother 2: Ok. When's your birthday?

Me: Wow... you're not getting any birthday presents next week if you don't even know when mine is!

Dad: Come on Brother 2... It's in October!




My birthday is August 22nd.

Subway

Cousin J: I left my sub sandwich in Black Sable.

Brother 2: What?

Cousin J: The night she burned, I left my sub in Black Sable.

Brother 2: She must have really wanted that sandwich. And when she realized she couldn't eat it, she had to prevent anyone else from enjoying that fresh deli delight.