Balls

I run a football pool. My brother was calling in his picks.

Brother 1: 16.... on.... Miami.

Me: Whoa... That's an intense pick.

Brother 1: Balls to the walls. That's what that is.

Monkey Names

Me: Have you thought of a name for your monkey yet?

Cousin J: Nah, it's got to be something angry and German though.

Me: Heinrich?

Cousin J: That's a possibility.

Quack

Brother 1: Quack.

Me: You sound like a duck.

Brother 1: You sound like a duck. A duck with AIDS.

New Camera

Happy Thanksgiving

Dad: This is going to be the first annual naked Thanksgiving! What do you think?

Mom: Scary.

Monkey Continued

Me: Are you going to teach your monkey sign language?

Cousin J: Yep, he's going to know sign language, and he's going to be an amazing harp player.

Monkey

Cousin J: I've decided to buy my chimpanzee at the same time I have my first child. Then I'll be able to get some time off of work to train it.

Me: You're getting a monkey?

Cousin J: Yeah.

Dessert

Dad: I think I want peanut butter on toast.

Me: But you're eating an ice cream sandwich.

Dad: Yeah, afterwards, for dessert.

Yum

Brother 2: Shut up eggs!!

Bay

Brother 1: I think every NFL team should end in Bay.

Me: Like Cleveland Bay, or Baltimore Bay.

Brother 1: Yeah!

Me: Would Green Bay become Green Bay Bay?

Brother 1: Yes, but you have to say it fast, like a rap song. Green Baybay.

Brotherly Love

Brother 2: Can I punch you really hard?

Me: No.

Brother 2: Pleeeeeaaaasssssseeee????

Me: No.

Brother 2: But I really want to.

Migraines

Mom thinks my turtle is causing my migraines. I highly doubt that. Yesterday I walked into my room and my turtle was gone.

Me: Where's Carmine??

Mom: Oh. He died.

Me: What??

Mom: Yeah, he's dead.

Me: Really?!?

Mom: No, I put him in Brother 1's room.

Grey's Anatomy

We're watching Private Practice.

Dad: Carol Stream! That's what I'm going to call her!

Me: Who?

Dad: Addison! Carol Stream is right next to Addison. Or Berwyn!! That has a nice ring to it, it's a few towns over from Addison.