Robot Unicorn

Have you played this game? Seriously. Best game ever.

Me: Why is the unicorn a robot?

Brother 1: Because. How would a real unicorn make your dreams come true?

Loud

Violet is crazy, she fits right in. She was squealing and screeching and banging on a table.

Jack (age 4): Too loud.

Then, he turned off his hearing aids.

Conkey

Have you seen Trailer Park Boys? It's an awesome Canadian show. Dad decided he's going to talk like Conkey from now on.

Mom: Why are you so weird?

Brother 2: Uh. I spend 8 hours a day with a guy who talks in a high pitch gravely voice. How can I not be weird?

Here's a video featuring Conkey. He's the puppet.

Fish Face

Nipples

In the hot tub:

I move to a different seat.

Kyle: Whoa. That's not Vanessa.

Brother 2: Nope that's me.

Kyle: I thought she was playing with both my nipples.

Me: Nope. Just one.

Kyle: So that was Brother 2....

Fancy

Brother 2's GF: We need to act fancy!

Cousin G: Who sat on my crumpet?

Pigeon

Brother 2: Did you know that when you drive your car faster than 120 mph, it sprouts wings?

Brother 1: Yeah, I've had that happen before.

Brother 2: But not big wings, little pigeon wings.

Brother 1: Yeah, and it slows the car down to about 8 mph, slowly flapping, about 1/4 inch off the ground.

Brother 2: Exactly.

Stabbing

Kyle: I have a wonderful wife, and life, and knife. AHHHHHHH! (As he pretends to stab me in the throat) What? It rhymed.

Brother 1's New License Plate