Paring Knife

Mom: Have you seen my paring knife?

Brother 1: Yes. It's in my car.

Mom: What's it doing there?

Brother 1: I was paring things in my car. I had a pair for lunch today.

Porn Stars

Mom: You spelled Khym wrong.

Me: No I didn't. That's how it's spelled in the emails I get from them.

Mom: I think that's the porn star spelling.

Me: Really?

Brother 1: At your wedding, can we have Uncle M and Aunt K's porn playing on a big projector screen during the reception?

Me: Don't you think that'll be weird? They're going to be there. And a large portion of the guests are related to them. It's be awkward.

Brother 1: Please?

Genetics

Brother 1: My right testicle never moves very much. The left one flops all around though.

Brother 2: Me too!!

Brother 1: We have matching balls!